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Mar. 12th, 2005 12:09 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
reizero.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
30shardsYay! 30 - 1 = 29. ^^
Title: Clay Doll
Claimed Character: Naraku
Pairing: Naraku x Kohaku (Sango is also mentioned, but it is not supposed to be an 'implied Naraku x Sango' fic, really).
Words: 205
Theme: #11 - Magic
Squicks: The pairing itself is a BIG FAT SQUICK. I do not support child abuse, but I can see Naraku doing that. Well, in fact, I can see Naraku doing anything that can be categorized as 'evil'. Oh, and there are no actual sex descriptions.
Clay Doll
“Come here, Kohaku.”
The boy is not nearly as beautiful as his older sister – his brown eyes lack radiance and his dark hair is wiry and coarse – but he’s timid and obedient, and his mind is a very pliant material: if Sango is marble, then Kohaku is clay. It takes more skill and talent to create a marble statue, but clay figures are easy and pleasant to make when all you want is to relax.
“Undress.”
“Yes, Naraku-sama.”
The former youkai taijiya takes his clothes off and throws them on the floor. He’s a bit clumsy, and the art of seduction is probably a foreign concept in his world, but Naraku doesn’t really mind that. One can’t always demand the best, and it’s unfair to expect Kohaku to be elegant and graceful simply because his sister is. After all, Kohaku is unique. Just like everyone else.
“Isn’t it wonderful, Kohaku?”
“Yes, Naraku-sama.”
Even Naraku’s magic is not enough to make his little docile doll’s voice sound passionate, but it doesn’t matter. He is satisfied. Besides, it’s too cruel to make someone, whom you’re going to crush like a useless clay toy sooner or later, fall in love with you.
Deep inside, Naraku is quite merciful.
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Date: 2005-03-12 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 06:35 am (UTC)But so very, very good.
The last line was my favorite. The question "Isn't it wonderful, Kohaku?" was confusing to me, though. I don't know what he's asking about. Other than that, it was very simple yet dark and sensual at the same time.
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Date: 2005-03-12 06:37 am (UTC)But so very, very good.
Thank you so much. *happy sigh*
The question "Isn't it wonderful, Kohaku?" was confusing to me, though. I don't know what he's asking about.
The sex itself, I guess. ^^;;; But it's sorta confusing, I know, I just couldn't think of anything good. --;;;
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Date: 2005-03-12 06:48 am (UTC)"Besides, it’s too cruel to make someone, whom you’re going to crush like a useless clay toy sooner or later, fall in love with you."
And I'm not entirely sure that's a whom-worth clause. Might just be a who, but I can't be sure. Ask Res; she'll know.
Apart from that, it was good-- loved the creep-factor. But are you sure Naraku'd be thinking of Sango at all? I'm not convinced. She's v. much a peripheral being in his world, not someone he would pay attention other than to use to get at Kikyou/Kagome, Inuyasha, etc.
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Date: 2005-03-12 06:56 am (UTC)About Naraku thinking of Sango... she IS peripheral for him, that's true, but maybe he could remember her because of her good looks? I dunno. But it's OK if you aren't convinced, it's just my weird thinking pattern... ^^;;
Again, thank you so much. ^_^
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Date: 2005-03-12 07:04 am (UTC)Glad I could help :)
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Date: 2005-03-12 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 07:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 08:57 am (UTC)tell me, is this the correct spelling for dog fucker?
sabaka yibuchiya
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Date: 2005-03-12 02:56 pm (UTC)Also, 'sobaka' is a female dog (but it's not exactly the same thing as 'bitch' - 'bitch' is 'suka'; 'sobaka' is more neutral and can also be used as a general species name). Male dog is 'pyos'. Just in case you need these details. ^^
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Date: 2005-03-12 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-12 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-13 01:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-13 03:06 am (UTC)Welcome to the club. XD And thank you so much!
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Date: 2005-03-30 04:07 am (UTC)The clay and marble theme is excellent; fitting for both Kohaku and Sango, respectively. I love the little comparisons Naraku makes in his head, pointing out Kohaku's failure to be just like his sister; it's something he'd do, to make note of everything that isn't perfect - even though he doesn't really care. =P
And the last line is deliciousness itself, simply because it seems so wildly untrue. There's that fabulous arrogance again. XD
The one thing that threw me off a little was the use of the word "compliant" in the second line of the ficlet. I'd just put "pliant" instead, since compliant is used more for describing the attitude of a person, and pliant is used for describing an easily manipulated material.
And that's all I've got. >.O No evil crit for you, m'dear, because I love your writing already. It has a very distinctive, sophisticated flow that makes reading incredibly easy. I loves. Thanks for offering us such a dark little delicacy. ^.^
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Date: 2005-03-30 04:58 am (UTC)Oh, I see, thank you so much for your advice, I'll edit this part. Hmm, 'pliant'... my dictionary doesn't offer it. =/ Oh well, there ARE people who can help me in this community! ^_^
I remain firmly convinced that it isn't wrong to love an odd pairing if it results in lurvely fics like this. So HA! to the NaKo haters. XDDD
I'm glad that you think so. NxK is one of my numerous guilty pleasures. >_>
it's something he'd do, to make note of everything that isn't perfect - even though he doesn't really care. =P
Yup. He's just nasty like that. XDDD
It has a very distinctive, sophisticated flow that makes reading incredibly easy. I loves. Thanks for offering us such a dark little delicacy. ^.^
*sigh* You've just made my day. Thank you for your comments!